Tony & Ryan are two characters from a series I've been working on for more years than I care to say. For the longest time I had a heck of a time connecting with Ryan, until I explored his hidden side. He's 1 of 4 brothers. He's an orphan. He's an undercover agent on the run.  
 
I tried for years to get inside his head for the series. He played hide and seek with me for a long time to the point that I almost took him out of the story all together. Then Jeff challenged me to delve into the magic world of m/m romance. He actually challenged me,(I LOVE a challenge) to do this. At the time I was not working out of the house. I wrote full time and managed to get a lot accomplished with BBE. I didn't want to stop working with the characters and develop more for another story.  
 
As I said I was having a heck of a time getting into Ryan's head and the scenes I was working with just so happened to belong to him. I was very reluctant to meet that certain challenge at that time. Until Jeff suggested using my difficult character in the story he wanted me to write for him. Ah, a light came on. What a perfect exercise to get to know Ryan a lot better. I thought, that I can do. I figured that Ryan was a bit on the jealous side only because BBE is his brother's story and not his. WOW! I couldn't have been more wrong!  
 
Once I found out why I was having a difficult time with my Ryan, I almost shouted in glee. I began writing Ryan well before I started reading mm fiction and until I explored the other side of him, he was just a brat with me. He came out to me and I'm thrilled. I'm now writing him with ease in the series and even went back to book 1 and fixed all the issues I had with him. YAY! Even Tony makes more sense to me.  
 
When I tell someone that my characters aren't just characters, that they're as real to me as they are, they look at me like I'm crazy. Those characters are an extension of not only myself but of other people I know. They have to be real to me to write with them. I allow that character to develop and become who they are, good or bad. I report what I see. That I sit with my computer and write it, and feel their pain, their frustrations, their happiness, and love, in my eyes makes me their voice. Does that make me crazy? Maybe, but it's a great kind of crazy. Can I distinguish between the "real" world and my made up world? Yes. Without a doubt. However, there are times I like the made up world a lot better.  
 
Generally I write more mainstream fiction. I like to play with human emotions, and not always on the good side. Real life events are put into the stories I work with, good, and bad. Though, I refuse to allow a bad ending I may play with the reader a bit, make them angry, sad, happy, even make them laugh and cry but I will not allow a story I write to end on a bad note.  
 
To write an m/m romance scared the hell out of me. I never though of writing romance in any Genre, I always said. I'll leave that to the pros. Well, when this exercise presented itself, and I looked at it in a different light, I actually had a lot of fun with it. If I can go back and forth I'd say it's a hell of an accomplishment.  
 
I owe this story to Jeff for believing in me. I also want to thank Keta, Ryan, and S.J., for their support.